I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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