Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
