Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
