so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
