Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
