u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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