and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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