Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
