I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
