So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sext me about skeletons
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
