Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
