drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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