We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
