so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
