I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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