Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
