i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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