Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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