Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
