Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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