last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
