So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
