Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's shark week go big or go home
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
