Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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