can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
