I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
