Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
