I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
