I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He felt like a one man threesome
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
