i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
