he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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