I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So apparently I’m into choking now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
