I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
