can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
