I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
