That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
