Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize