I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
