Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
