you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
