I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
