i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
