im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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