I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
