dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
