How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize