Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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