You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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