and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
