I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
