I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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