i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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