Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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