FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
