Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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