My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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