i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my liver is dry heaving
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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