So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize