He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
