before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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