you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
