just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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