God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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