Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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