I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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