I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
